


When I Close My Eyes

by Emriel



Series: Jenova's Call [4]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Abuse, Dark, Dubious Consent, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, False Memories, Fluff and Smut, Insomnia, M/M, Mind Control, Mind Fuck, Mind Rape, Multiple Personalities, Nightmares, Possessive Behavior, Puppet Cloud, Rape/Non-con Elements, Torture, Tragedy, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:53:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24720091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emriel/pseuds/Emriel
Summary: No one knows how bad Sephiroth’s obsession is for Cloud. With every waking moment haunted by visions and voices, Cloud struggles not to betray his friends... but is he strong enough to fight it?The struggle of wills leading to the tragedy of Meteorfall.
Relationships: Aerith Gainsborough/Cloud Strife, Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Series: Jenova's Call [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786561
Comments: 8
Kudos: 136





	When I Close My Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> I found this moment in the game really iconic. With Cloud’s psyche slowly breaking apart... so this happened.

It hurt to keep his eyes closed but sleep was calling. Perhaps the rest of his party noticed it, how he could hardly trust himself to take a breather. Always choosing to go forward even though he was running himself ragged.

After all, if they waited, something bad could happen. The enemy wouldn't wait for him. So he started abusing the system, drinking potions, ethers, elixirs when he depleted the use of a cure. What meager supplies they could carry with them was enough to sustain him. It was all he could do after _she_ died. Hanging on by the thread because he didn't want to make another mistake. Because that mistake can cost him their life.

Tifa was worried. And he wanted to say everything was going to be alright. He wanted to say that there was nothing to fear, but the voices in his head wouldn't shut up. Sometimes he couldn't even trust himself to do the right thing because he didn't trust his body to move the way he wanted it to, like something was pulling at his strings to make him do horrible things he would have never allowed if he could help it.

Sephiroth was taunting him, showing him false visions. That he wasn't the SOLDIER First class he thought he was. Or was it the truth? Because he couldn't even remember who he was. The memories were fragmented. Did he truly make it to SOLDIER at all?

All he could remember was the moment he had his sword raised, poised to strike at her when she had her eyes closed, praying. At that moment, Cloud truly wanted to _kill_ her. Because it would be so sweet.

But he fought it. Unlike the first time he gave the Black Materia to Sephiroth.

And unable to do the task, Sephiroth himself appeared, stabbing Aerith through the spine. And just like that she was gone. And he wanted Sephiroth to just shut up. Screamed at him. In anger. Rage. Sadness.

Sephiroth said he didn't have feelings but was his pain not real as well? Cloud didn't know. Didn't want to think past the lump in his throat every time he thought about it. He could never atone for it.

They made it to Icicle Inn, past Gaea's Cliff. And as they got closer and closer to the Northern crater, the urge to move consumed him. As if he was possessed. Running against the whirlwind, trying not to get lost in the maze of walls and bridges that looked the same.

Against the strong winds that hardly relented, everything was noisy. And with wounds sustained from the last battle, Cloud fought. Fought again and again, using summons, and the Ultima over and over, killing wave after wave of monsters... The cloaked figures were there too, dying one by one and fading to the lifestream.

Why did they even have to die?

He hated seeing more innocent people die. And he could only blame Sephiroth and Shinra for it.

And then, his body failed him, he fainted midbattle, blurry eyed, he saw his friends fight to defend him. Used Life twice, but he was too exhausted to move and when he regained consciousness, they put up a bonfire. The stars were out and looking up at them, he wondered if they knew the struggle. The cold seeped through his bones.

Tifa put a warm hand on his forehead.

"You'll be alright..."

_You're not alone. We're here to help._

Her voice was fading. And he stared at her unable to comprehend. He wanted to tell her, he felt useless when he wasn't out there fighting.

_Because that was all he could live for now._

He didn't want to close his eyes. Because when they did close, it felt like he was losing, slowly, little by little, chipped away until **nothing** was left... seeing recurring visions that made him feel less like himself. He tried to tell her that, but his throat closed upon itself as laughter echoed in his ears. And if he could, he would've asked for help.

* * *

In his dreams he was nothing but a fledgling with broken wings behind his back.

It was bloody and torn. Bone and flesh sticking out like a grotesque score of slowly dying limbs. A sickness that was consuming him, leaving him gasping for air with limbs as weak as a newborn.

There was a sickness spreading on his body. Blackened tar, dripping out. It hurt. Everything hurt.

Unable to even move. His heart was in pain. And to breathe made it worse. So he took tiny slow measured gasps of air.

As if he was under water.

Struggling.

And the static ringing noise brought the piercing headache.

He would have curled into himself had there been no shackles on his neck and ankles.

Chained to the ground like a monster that he was. A prisoner of a man who thought himself a god.

Cloud tried to deny his call. His body bleeding into a field of flowers through his white clothes. The wound on his shoulder, fresh.

He was dying.

For a long time now.

"Are you ready to give in?"

Cloud looked up and saw the cold blade of the Masamune hovering inches from his face.

"Let me go," Cloud wanted to say but his throat was parched. And he could only mouth the words.

There was a long silence as the sword drew lines around him.

"Is it truly worth the suffering?"

Cloud didn't know. He felt like he'd been locked up for years. What was worth suffering? What was he fighting for?

He knew it was very important but he couldn't remember.

The sword rang a smooth tone and Cloud closed his eyes for the inevitable.

The manacles were sliced off. Cloud felt surprised. Was his captor finally letting him go? But he knew it wasn’t the case. He knew he was trapped for a reason.

There was no escape.

Sephiroth waved a hand and Cloud felt his body rise off as if it hardly weighed anything.

Suspended, Cloud felt gravity pull at him, making his head loll forward.

He wished for the relief that could only be brought by his touch.

"Are you crying, Cloud?"

His master looked at him with pity. Through Cloud's fringe, he could see green eyes lit with quiet amusement.

Cloud wanted to say no but couldn't even find the voice to speak.

"You only suffer because you cannot accept what you are. That you are just a vessel for my will. Your body is changing. Your wings want to grow and yet even this gift from mother you deny. Give in, Cloud."

Cloud tried to insist that his mother was dead. That the alien call that coursed through his veins was not _mother_ but it crooned at him. As if it was inevitable he would fall.

The wings were a sign after all.

Cloud felt his hands move, reaching out, able to express a need that his voice cannot. Betraying himself.

At this, Sephiroth smirked.

Cloud sighed when Sephiroth finally touched him. First tilting his head upwards. Whatever Sephiroth saw made him smile. The tears kept falling.

Arms were soon wrapped around him, in an embrace. Cloud sank into it, the pain in his head turning into a dull throb. His breathing easing out.

"Thank you."

It was a whisper. It seemed natural to thank him. His whole being felt comforted. Sweet relief.

Sephiroth rewarded him with a hand on his hair, fondly combing through it. Green eyes peering down at him indulgently.

"Perhaps I should keep you like this."

Sephiroth’s gloved hand brushed against the injured wings and Cloud was helpless when it started tingling.

Healing.

He did not understand why he hated it so much. Maybe because humans weren't supposed to have wings.

Was he still human?

Cloud wracked his mind. The words of some forgotten man, echoing into his head. Angels have wings. Angels longed to be human. To have wings made him a monster.

So.

He wasn't human then. Not anymore.

Cloud whimpered when the wings sprouted downy feathers. And it grew the stronger flight wings. When it finally unfurled, the feel of them made him dizzy. It left him exhausted, his legs trembling. Had it not been for the body supporting him in a loose embrace, he would have collapsed to the field of flowers.

“All done,” Sephiroth murmured into his ear.

It felt warm.

He could have stayed there. It felt like he was welcome. Like he belonged. The forgotten wish of wanting to be accepted.

Home.

Cloud wished it was true. _And then he remembered the burning city of Nibelheim._ _The screams of the townspeople as they burned to death. People he grew up knowing in his childhood slaughtered like pigs._

Merciless. Useless. Traitors. They deserved to die. They caused him enough pain for living. For taking from the planet that which was not theirs. He longed to destroy all of them.

“Do not forget who I am, Cloud.”

Then, something falls to the ground.

A head. Chopped off with a clean slice. It lands with a thud.

It had a familiar face. Brown locks in braids on both sides… green eyes open in horror.

Aerith.

And Cloud struggled away from the embrace. What feeble strength he had, he used. He hated being reminded of it. That she was dead. That she was never coming back. The pain of losing her over and over again. Fresh in his mind.

Cloud clutched at his head. Crying out...

"Ahhhgg..."

A tortured sound, coming from his lips as he reached out, wishing he could cradle it. He wanted to keep her safe. He couldn't.

"Cloud," Sephiroth's voice started, crooning.

But Cloud had eyes for no one but Aerith. Because it was his fault. He couldn’t breathe. He wanted to retch. He was supposed to protect her.

"No… no more. Please. I'm sorry."

He wanted to hide from Sephiroth. He remembered his sin. His failure. Why he tried so hard to fight in the first place.

Sephiroth tugged at his hair, looking down at him, his voice lost all the warmth as he said, "It's not your fault, Cloud. The ancient deserved to die. You resisted me… The more you resist, the more tempting it becomes to break you. Your mind is such a delicate thing, my puppet. So broken. I can piece you back together…"

Cloud tried not to listen.

Sephiroth was not his master.

“But I think I shall have you break first.”

Cloud was blinded by a flash of white light and static and they descended upon a world away.

* * *

He was laid down on an altar.

Looking around he saw a familiar church.

Her church.

And her head was watching from the flowers. Her blood seeped down. Like a dye that turned the surrounding flowers red. She stared back at him with cold dead eyes.

Hands wet with blood pulled up his robes. Tore up his pants.

And the gloved finger entered him. Cloud winced and tried to push away with his legs. Sephiroth held them open. And with a squeeze, he felt his knee could break. It was as if his bones were about to get crushed.

Cloud screamed.

And Sephiroth stopped. Massaging the sore point. A simple warning. Cloud was breathing harshly.

"Do you know, Cloud, that as much as I can give you pain, I can give you pleasure?"

And it was as if a switch was turned on and Cloud found himself gasping. As if he was just a bundle of hyper-sensitized nerves wishing to be touched. Fondled. Fucked.

He tried to say _No_ but it was swallowed by an insistent press of lips. Slit green eyes looking back at him.

Cloud simply melted.

"Good boy."

And the finger was joined by another. Scissoring for a moment. Stretching him.

The head of something much bigger started brushing up against the pucker.

Slamming in.

"Ahhhgh."

Cloud closed his eyes. He felt so full.

It was almost painful. But it was overshadowed by the pleasure of being connected. A part of him that wished to sink in and meld with his master after having been away for so long...

_**Reunion.** _

Sephiroth was relentless. His grip bruising on his arms.

"This is what you were meant to be, Cloud. Your body was meant to be my toy. I should use you, over and over until you realize who is your owner."

Cloud winced as his legs were pushed open. Wider.

And when he opened his eyes after having closed them, he was looking back at Aerith.

Then. At the corpses of his friends.

He was horrified. And yet his body felt wave after wave of pleasure. He tried not to come from the feeling. Tried to deny the pleasure that was there. But a part of him enjoyed it. Wanted it. The feeling of Sephiroth sliding in and out of him. The feel of his hands roving on his skin. Sephiroth’s tongue, licking his lips, then his nipples.

“So wanton.”

Cloud tilted his head away. But Sephiroth wanted him to look if not at the corpses then back at him.

"Stop… I don't want this."

White wings unfurled and tried to cover his face but Sephiroth simply swatted it away. Kissing him. Then biting down on his neck. Hard.

It felt as if he was getting devoured.

And when a hand closed around his dick, with just two stokes he came.

Cloud trembled and thrust upwards. Ashamed of the pleasure but still coming undone as it tore through his body.

His first…

At the thought, Sephiroth buried himself deep.

“So innocent.”

He withdrew lazily and slowly buried himself in before ramming hard again and again until all Cloud could do was start gasping and screaming. His moans echoing in the empty chamber of the church.

"You will have to beg harder, Cloud. If you want me to stop."

Cloud moaned when a hand splayed across his stomach, spreading his cum then trailing it upwards to his face wet with tears.

"Suck."

Cloud's lips were trembling and he gasped as Sephiroth pulled out.

The gloved hands traced his mouth and Cloud opened it. He took them in. Tasting himself on the warm leather.

"Good boy."

The words sent down a tingle through his spine.

And he was swiftly manhandled to his front and pressed down, his wet sticky stomach pressing against the side of the altar end.

His legs fell to the floor and he had to stand on the tip of his toes when Sephiroth plunged in again.

This time he whispered in his ears.

"I want you. To beg. For forgiveness."

And as Cloud saw the dead bodies of his companions, he could feel the plea in his head.

Every thrust made it hard to speak and Cloud could only gasp out the words, "I'm sorry. Please… don't. Kill them."

Sephiroth licked the shell of his ear.

"But aren't they already dead Cloud? Didn't you kill them for me?"

Cloud trembled. Wondering. Remembering the feeling of his blade cutting through flesh. Killing his most beloved companions when they least expected it. One by one. Lifeless bodies. Just dead bodies now. Just like all the others he killed.

No different from _animals._

"I… I… don't know p-please… don't… please _stop_ master."

I don’t want to see them. I don’t want to kill them. ~~I didn't kill them. I didn't~~. I can't. I don’t want to hurt anyone… anymore.

Sephiroth covered his eyes. And the blessed darkness made the dead bodies go away.

Then the man groaned, coming inside him, his seed warm and Cloud's face was twisted backwards.

A ravenous kiss on his lips.

Tongue sweeping out to taste and take.

The man wasn't done yet and began moving. Fucking him, over and over.

He was tossed next to the flowers. Next to her bleeding head.

And Sephiroth took him there.

Cloud scrabbled for the flowers, groaning. Crying.

And Sephiroth kissed him gently, as if Cloud was something fragile.

**_I'll break you._ **

Cloud whimpered in his mouth.

"What else do you cherish, Cloud?"

And Cloud felt his head go muddy as if someone began sifting through his memories.

His body felt sluggish and the grip on his hair was beginning to hurt.

"Have I taken away all that is precious to you?"

Cloud thought of the blue sky.

And Sephiroth smirked.

"You will bring me the black materia… and the planet will die."

Cloud tried to shake his head and he felt a force bleed through his mind. Rendering it almost impossible to think.

"Master…"

His body felt heavy, and Cloud was eased down and his face was pressed against the dirt.

A haze of contentment filled him.

"Ahhh… ahhhh…. Nghhh."

Cloud closed his eyes. Trying to ride the feeling. It was all he could do when he felt like a prisoner in his own body. A toy.

Sephiroth fucked him repeatedly. His body a smattering of bruises. He didn’t know how long, how many times he came. But he knew every part of him ached. His insides were raw.

And before long he was on his knees, being prodded to suck once more.

"Open your mouth, puppet."

The large throbbing head of Sephiroth's cock pushing against his lax lips.

Cloud looked up and opened his mouth and it went in.

He wanted to cry.

Despite the pleasure. He wanted to be away from all this.

From him.

But there was nowhere he could run to.

Sephiroth groaned at the sight he made and Cloud choked when the man began thrusting in.

"Swallow it, Cloud."

And he did.

And once that was over Sephiroth gave him a satisfied smile. Letting him fall, carelessly. Cloud felt his wings wrap around himself. He was trembling. He was sobbing. His body thoroughly debauched.

Sephiroth knelt and brushed back Cloud's sweat slicked forehead. Cloud looked up, from where his wings couldn't hide him. Sephiroth leaned downwards and placed a kiss, at his temple.

A small gesture. Of what seemed to be _kindness._

But Cloud knew it was only a reminder of ownership.

Blue eyes stared up almost unseeingly into green ones. Lost.

And the ringing in his ears began when Sephiroth vanished in a swathe of black feathers.

* * *

"Sephiroth…"

Cloud woke up to the sound of his own harsh breathing. And it took a moment to orient himself that he was inside the makeshift tent his companions made when resting. They were inside the crater after climbing the peak, they descended down.

It took a moment but he remembered how they got there.

He just saw the clones dive off to their deaths.

He looked around and saw, them. Breathing. Asleep. Tifa and Cid, asleep next to each other.

He hadn't killed his friends yet unlike the dream.

Alive. They were alive. Cloud tried to calm his breathing but he could feel the panic set in.

And then his hands began itching to grab his weapon. A voice in his head urging him to Kill them.

He shouldn't be here. He was endangering his party by just being with them.

Cloud had to physically hold down his right hand to keep it from moving for his blade.

Sephiroth was still sending him visions. He could see the man, with the blade, inches from where his friends were sleeping. Poised to strike just like with Aerith.

At this Cloud stood up, urging his legs to work before it hit any of them.

And then Sephiroth's image vanished.

"Haah." He was gasping for breath now. And his head felt light. He stumbled and inhaled slowly.

It was terrifying, he was so scared. He bit the side of his lip and Cloud tried to pull himself together. He tried to remind himself what he came here to do.

He came here to kill Sephiroth. He couldn’t forgive him for what he did. For sending him weird disgusting dreams. For making him _feel_ things that weren't supposed to be there. For making him question reality...

Cloud leaned against the side of the tent and felt something sticky. Cloud then looked down and saw the mess he made in his pants and crinkled his nose in disgust. It felt so real but he was unable to fight back at all. And he had to remind himself that he wasn’t the weak winged broken thing. He wasn’t the monster that had accepted Jenova’s call. He didn’t even have wings. Or at least _not yet._

He was still human.

Cloud stilled the crazed laughter that tried to escape his mouth.

Every moment he took the time to close his eyes was a struggle. It was harder to think inside the Northern Crater.

The visions. The feel of the flesh. Of Sephiroth's lips.

His voice. Calling him.

Puppet.

It was real.

Cloud hated it and yet could not fight it. He didn't want to cry.

He tried not to cry because as the team's leader, he had to be strong. He shouldn't give up. The man was a monster. The man who burned his hometown. Killed his mother. Killed Aerith. He failed them twice, he couldn’t fail them again.

He just had to clean himself. He grabbed a canteen of water and tried to go to a secluded area by the cave.

Thankfully there was a small pond that he could wade in. And he stripped himself off. Letting the clothes float beside him.

Somehow.

In this place. He could sense him. Just like he was there... next to him.

“Cloud, what are you doing?”

Vincent looked alarmed and pulled him out of the water.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

Cloud struggled and Vincent growled, “You were bathing in a mako pool, you could have injured yourself.”

Cloud looked back at the clear blue water and saw it was green.

And the sting of the mako was beginning to itch but at least he was clean.

“You need to rest. I know that things have been difficult but it’s not your turn to keep watch. Let us do the fighting while you and the rest get some sleep.”

Cloud wanted to say Vincent had no idea what he was going through. And his hands moved for the blade that wasn’t there. He left it inside the camp.

And he felt horrified that he almost wanted to fight Vincent there and then.

“Cloud. Just rest.”

And Vincent cast a sleep materia on him.

* * *

Cloud was staring up at the starry sky, then down at the cliffs below.

The wind was howling.

And he was a tiny kid. Nine years old.

He watched Tifa fall from the very same cliffs when they crossed the bridge. And they blamed him for just trying to follow her…

It was a jumbled mix of feelings he didn’t want to understand.

Why did he always fail at saving the people he cherished the most?

Why was he such a loser? ~~All he wanted was for someone to pay attention to him.~~

“Cloud, come here.”

Cloud expected him to be there. Sephiroth, resting against a dead tree, unaffected by the cold weather of the Nibel mountains.

“I… don’t want to kill my friends. So maybe I should just kill myself.”

Sephiroth frowned.

“Come. Here.” Sephiroth said pointedly.

Cloud tried to smile but started crying. He wanted to run away. Find an easy way out.

But Sephiroth was calling. Cloud refused to budge from his spot at the edge but it was a pointed command. Something that Cloud couldn't fight.

His legs moved on their own accord until he was before him.

His small form was dwarfed by Sephiroth’s larger one. Pressed against the crook of the man’s neck, Cloud cried.

“Please… don’t make me kill my friends. Please…. I don’t want to see them die… I don’t want to. Don’t make me… please.”

Sephiroth merely considered him.

“Are you scared?”

Cloud nodded. And a hand soothingly went down to brush his back.

“I won’t hurt you.”

Cloud knew this but he wasn’t scared for himself. He was scared that Red, Barret, Cid, Cait Sith, Yuffie, Vincent, and Tifa would die by his hand. He saw it in the nightmare. He saw just how easy it was. He knew how easy it would be to do it.

“It hurts. To know I can hurt them… I’d rather die.”

Cloud tried to stop the tears but they kept coming.

Sephiroth smiled.

“Bring me the Black Materia and I will spare your friends.”

And Cloud reluctantly nodded.

And he knew he was damning the world for it. But to him, his companions were more important. The mess of his mind that was prey to Sephiroth’s will poked holes at his weakness.

With a small voice, Cloud asked his hero, “Is that all I’m good for… am I really just a puppet?”

Sephiroth smiled at him.

“What do you think, Cloud?”

* * *

His hand held the black materia. As if an imposter was in his place all this time, each step to this moment was hazy. How Red gave it to him after asking because he thought he was in trouble. How easy it was to take advantage of trust.

It was a mistake for them to trust a traitor like him. But it had allowed him to get this far.

And he began apologizing. The words empty of meaning. The sadness in his soul overbearing.

If only to save their lives... 

Pieces of the puzzle falling to place. _He was waiting. Nothing else was important._

And he could feel the wings in his back, pulling him upwards to the cradle of Sephiroth.

* * *

“I’m here now.”

Before long he was plunging his hand inside the cocoon. It was like coming home.

And when the world rumbled and the walls around them collapsed, Sephiroth opened his eyes and smiled down at him.

The aura of malevolence he wore was toxic to Cloud's mind, but the anger wasn't directed at him. After all. Sephiroth had his hands outstretched in welcome. _For him._

Sephiroth was terrifying to Cloud and yet Cloud cannot deny him.

The jumble of his memories was asking for a number.

“You don’t need one, Cloud.”

And Cloud looked up to him. Lost. Like an innocent child.

Here was his master. Cloud found himself smiling as he offered the materia and Sephiroth’s hand locked into it. He was then pulled inwards... into the warmth of the green and it felt like being in mother’s womb.

She was happy. Sephiroth was so very pleased.

“Good boy.”

The praise felt warm, and Cloud felt the echo of joy to have done so well.

The rumbling continued. Rocks falling one by one.

~~Someone was crying out for him. "Cloud! Cloud! Where are you?"~~

And voices were screaming but in the cocoon, the sounds were muted.

“Do you wish to stay?”

All around them was green. Cloud didn’t understand what was being offered to him but it was comforting so he nodded. His mind was so muddled. Like a film was permanently placed there and all he could do was look at his master with fondness and adoration. Sephiroth was beautiful.

And he was kind enough to let him stay. It was nice, to feel needed for once.

Sephiroth smiled as his dark wings unfurled and with the power of the dead clones that sacrificed their lives for him, he unleashed a wall that would protect his body and Cloud’s. Then, he pulled Cloud towards him, a little closer. The physical body, was warm. Cloud wondered if this is how things should end.

Sephiroth absorbed the black materia and raised one hand to the sky, calling forth Meteor.

Cloud closed his eyes and sighed as wings sprouted off his back. Two white wings instead of one. Cloud looked unbothered at its sudden appearance. Then, Cloud wrapped the white wings around them, as if to shield Sephiroth from harm when the man hardly needed protection.

Sephiroth laughed at this.

“No one can hurt me here, Cloud.”

Cloud tilted his head, and reluctantly unfurled the wings. “I… exist to serve you… what should I do now, master?”

Sephiroth merely leaned in, for a chaste kiss, and said, “Lend me your strength… you know how to do it.”

Cloud nodded and placed his hands on his master’s chest, concentrating and feeling through the ties that bond them together, and let go of everything that he was as Sephiroth began leeching off his life. Cloud didn't know if he will die just like all the others but didn't care. Soon, he started feeling the slow creep of exhaustion, as if his body was getting drained of energy. He sagged against the embrace, struggling to stay awake.

Cloud closed his eyes, a tired sigh escaping his lips. Lacking the energy to even open his eyes as Sephiroth drained him dry. Then Cloud whispered a question, one of the many he wanted to ask, “Why… do you hate the planet?”

Sephiroth inhaled his hair, and whispered in his ear, “Because it turned me into a god…”

Didn't he want to become one? Just like mother?

Cloud wondered if underneath the madness, Sephiroth still cared. If underneath his mission to be one with the lifestream, his hero was still there.

If somehow, with all that he was doing, calling forth something that could end all life, Sephiroth was happy. Just like how Cloud was with his friends.

At the thought of his friends, Cloud felt his mind split. The haze it was in broke apart.

And some part of him wanted to stay with Sephiroth. Because he belonged to him.

But Aerith’s voice was calling.

_**"No Cloud. Don't listen to him."** _

Saying horrible things about how wrong this was. That he shouldn’t ever believe Sephiroth. That he was getting deceived. That this was a mistake.

That if he did nothing, if he didn’t fight, all will be lost.

Cloud watched the heavens start turning into fiery purple then red, as meteor was finally summoned. It loomed from above.

And his body felt as fragile as paper. He reached out, and felt something akin to love. He was breaking inside. Why would anyone want to take him from someone he loved?

~~_**"Cloud. You don't love him."** _ ~~

Even if at this point it was false, and brought about by the thing in his mind that tried to take over. _Mother_.

And yet he was crying. Feeling so sad. And horrified and disgusted with himself. Wanting nothing else but to die. Cloud whimpered. He was so tired of being pulled apart by things out of his control. It hurt. He was hurting so much. He couldn't speak. Gaia was trying to reach for him and yet Sephiroth's hold was so _strong_.

" _Hurts._ "

Sephiroth frowned at this and he was angry when he accused, “She interferes even though I already killed her. You want him to suffer even though you know he belongs to me? Do you want to take him at the cost of his life?”

And the voices of Aerith and other ancients melded with the planet.

**He is Weapon. You are Calamity. Rot. You will not destroy destiny.  
**

Cloud tried to hold on but he was falling, his wings dissolving when he was caught by strings of green and he was struggling to get free, back to his master but Sephiroth watched this with cold eyes.

It hurt.

It felt like losing a part of himself.

“No… no… please…”

  
  
Sephiroth felt closed off, the part of the connection snapped by something so harsh and inhuman.

The planet was crying. A wailing noise that drowned out _his_ call.

...down into the lifestream.

He would never remember it. Not even the visions.

~~Or why he stopped being a puppet.~~

_“Go back to your friends. You do not belong here. Live, Cloud.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know what you think.


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